My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
it's not so bad

Dear Santa,
I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
Christmas is just around the corner and snow is fallin'
I sent two letters back in Autumn I guess you haven't gott'em yet
unless you did and you just haven't replied you fat lazy git
Whatzzup man, you been out again playin' golf?
Anywayz, what's happenin', say hi to my mate Rudolph
I think he's a crazy reindeer as it goes
with them silly dumb-ass antlers, man, and that crazy red nose
Anyway forget about that, man here's my present list
I hope I get what I want or else I'll be well (******)
I want one of them scooters to ride around on
a Kylie Minogue calendar and a goddamn Pokemon
Hey, what about those toys from TV's Robot Wars
that ain't difficult, you get 'em in all department stores
Anyways, I gotta go now Santa, gotta go down the gym
to stay trim, write back soon, this is Slim

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
it's not so bad

Dear Santa, you still ain't called or wrote
what's going on? I've been thinkin' that I've done somethin' wrong
I wrote you already man, in fact I wrote you twice
This year I ain't been naughty, man I been real nice
By the way, be careful round this neighbourhood, don't get whacked
I don't want my presents been stolen out your big sack
I'm gonna leave some mince pies at the bottom of the chimney
Hey Santa, you gonna write back, fax me, ring me
My girlfriend think you're strange, I talk about you all the time
I can't wait to meet you Santa when you come round to mine
Don't forget my presents man, I need that Pikachu
If I don't get it, no talkin' from me I'll be eating reindeer stew
Ah, didn't mean to threaten you man that's just my way
Hey, any chance when you can come I can ride your magic sleigh
Anywayz Santa, go get my presents ready
I got go see my lady, write back soon, this is Shady

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
it's not so bad

Dear Mr I'm too busy eatin' mince pies to write to my fans
you big fat red mother (******)
I've been sending you letters for six months now
why ain't you been writing back, you fat lazy cow
I hope you choke whilst drinking your egg nog
You silly fat ugly lazy pig-dog
Sittin' on your fat ass talking to Rudolph and Blitzen
I'm here with no presents man, I'm (*******) bitchin'
You ain't wrote back man, that crime is heinous
I hope Rudolphs antlers kebab your tiny (*****)
I hope you fall off that sleigh and land in yellow snow
You come down my chimney, I'll tell you where to go
When you get to the bottom, don't be expectin' mince pies
You'll be talkin' to my fist, right between your (*******) eyes
How you gonna fly when your sleigh is out on bricks
You and your stupid reindeer, you bunch of (******)
I'm cycling in the rain on my 10-speed bike
But when I rock the mic, I rock the mic right
All I wanted was presents, but you couldn't stop meddlin'
Hey shut up elf and keep on peddlin'
Sorry Santa, that's one of your elfs going side saddle
I found him last night, so I'm taking him for a paddle
So Santa, it seems you're out of luck
you can shove Christmas up your ass you fat (****)

(woahhh, splash)

Sincerely yours, this is Stan

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
it's not so bad

Dear Slim, I meant to write you sooner
but I've been busy, all this flying business makes me quite dizzy
I'm flattered that you talk about me all the time
your girlfriend shouldn't get upset, it's hardly a crime
However, here's a question I'd like to ask if I'm able
have you ever been described as been slightly unstable
The reason I ask is that you want a Pikachu
that toy's for a five year old, what the (*****) wrong with you
As for kidnapping my elf, not a good plan
I'll rip your (*******) head off, you crazy mad man
I'm gonna bust you up bad, you dirty little scrote
I'll rip your head off and shove a pokemon down your throat
You don't deserve any presents 'cause you're (*******) loopy
You soft pussy of a girl, I'm not gonna give you a snoopy
'Cause you bust my balls for so long, heres what I'll do
on the night of Christmas eve, I'm coming to get you
You see I may be Santa, but I'm rock hard
I could kill a man with just a Christmas card
When you stole my elf, you made me sick
I've had elfs stolen from me before you thick (*****)
There was this one guy, had an elf on a bike
drove him into a river late one night
And in the basket in the front there was a letter
but it didn't say who it was to
Come to think about it, it was you
Damn.